Holiday Blues
By Cecilia Wright | Dec. 6, 2023
Have you walked into a store recently? It is that time of the year where everything is filled with holiday cheer. Yet for some, the holiday cheer does not come so easily as it used to. Perhaps this was not always the case for you, but as life goes on and we experience changes, losses, or extra amounts of stress, it is easy to lose the joy and the excitement we once had. We call this the Holiday Blues.
Sources of Holiday Stress
The Responsibilities of Adulthood
So why would a time filled with so much cheer, excitement, and joy be a source of sadness and anxiety? For starters, the stress of the holidays can take a toll on our mental health, leading many to experience the emotions of loneliness and grief.
If you are experiencing higher levels of stress during the holidays, I invite you to think back on what holidays used to be like for you as a child. Generally speaking holidays are not a source of stress for children. In fact, the opposite is normally the case; children look forward to the holidays as a break from school, a time to play around family, eat good food and potentially get presents!
However, as adults we recognize that all these memory-making activities require thoughtful planning and financial resources. The memories you lived as a child are now your responsibility to create, and that can feel stressful or overwhelming.
Social Media and Consumerism Pressures
In addition, the culture of social media, consumerism, and comparison can add to the level of perfectionism some may be trying to achieve. This can be especially stressful to parents who are trying to create “the perfect” holiday for their children. If this is you, consider how external factors may be adding unnecessary stress to the holidays. Think about ways to “turn down the noise” in your life and focus on the things that truly matter for you this season.
Family Gathering Anxieties
Another source of stress often comes from attending family gatherings. Although family gatherings are generally a source of warmth and joy for most people, for many it is a source of anxiety. Sadly, not every family has a healthy dynamic, and for some this may have caused you to draw some healthy boundaries. This may have created some changes in the way you relate to your family around the holidays – creating a sense of loss or even stress. It is normal to feel that way and it can actually improve your mental health to create healthy boundaries around unhealthy dynamics.
Causes of Holiday Grief
Loss of Traditions and Nostalgia
Lastly, many people experience Holiday Blues as a form of grief from the loss of something precious to them. These can be something as simple as the nostalgia of “what it used to be” to the loss of family members, jobs, financial resources, marriages, or any number of countless treasures.
Empty Nest Loneliness
Perhaps you are a new empty-nest parent wishing that your adult children were little kids again and you could experience waking up to them opening presents Christmas morning. Maybe you are far away from family, and this will be your first time away from them during the holidays.
First Holidays After a Death
There are others of you living your first holiday after the death of a loved one. All these losses and experiences are normal to grieve during the holidays, and it is common to feel a sense sadness and loneliness in this season.
Managing Your Holiday Blues
Identifying Your Triggers
Do you relate to some of these things? If so, here are a few things you can try: First, consider the source of your mood. What about the holidays make you feel a sense of loss, stress, or anxiety? I encourage you to think about what used to make the holidays special to you.
Creating New Meaningful Traditions
Was it a big meal with your family? Were there special traditions you participated in? If those things are no longer part of your life, consider creating new traditions for yourself or even practicing said traditions to fit your present life. For example, you may consider volunteering at a food bank to create a Christmas meal for people in need or donate gifts for children who may not get any gifts this year.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Secondly, consider how well (or bad!) you are investing in caring for yourself. Self-care goes beyond a day at the spa or the occasional nice walk outside. It requires commitment to loving yourself even when it feels hard, as well as making sure that you are involved in a healthy community. It is easy to engage in isolation when the holidays come around.
Considering Therapy
Perhaps you have tried all these things, and you continue to feel off. It may be time to consider therapy. Therapy can be a great place to explore areas that need to be grieved, stress management, and creating healthy boundaries.
Although these last few months of the year may feel chaotic, investing in your health is more important than almost anything else. Like they say “Health is Wealth”.
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