As temperatures begin to climb into the triple digits and my social media feed continues to be overrun by the same two depressing news reports, I am reminded of a metaphor that was given to me during the height of the “Black Lives Matter” movement. I can’t remember if it came from an Instagram post or my grandfather (or both somehow), but it went something along the lines of, “If a house is on fire in a large neighborhood, you don’t shrug it off and say “All houses matter. You work to put out the house that is on fire.”

While racism is definitely a huge fire in our country that still needs to be extinguished, June is Pride Month, so I believe it’s our responsibility to draw attention to another burning building: discrimination against the trans, nonbinary, and intersex communities.

1.6% of Americans identify as transgender and/or nonbinary.

1.7% of Americans are born intersex, or born physically different from the strict criteria for the male/female sexual binary.

At first glance, these percentages might not seem like a lot of people, but there is a higher percentage of transgender, non-binary, and intersex people in America than there are natural red-heads or people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

On that note, members of trans, non-binary, and intersex communities are at a greater risk for mental health challenges. Many of these individuals face discrimination, abuse, threats of violence, and a disproportionate lack of access to care compared to cisgender people. Due to anti-transgender legislation in several states, members of these communities are often barred from activities proven to improve mental health and other public facilities. Below is a chart of harmful bills that have been passed (as of 6/23) in the 2023 Texas Legislative Session that will go into effect on September first:

Other pending legislation (as of 6/23) includes (but is not limited to):

These laws, on top of vocal hostility from non-supporting groups, have created a threatening environment that makes trans, non-binary, and intersex individuals feel as if they don’t belong- as if their existence within itself isn’t supported by the world around them. Approximately 50% of each of these populations (trans, nonbinary/genderqueer, questioning, and intersex) have considered suicide in the past year. Approximately 75% have experienced depression and 60% have experienced anxiety in the past year. Approximately 60% wanted mental health care but were not able to receive it.

Now that it's been made exceptionally clear that this population’s metaphorical house is on fire, what can we, as allies, do to help?

Support your trans, nonbinary, and intersex companions:

Never assume someones’ gender or sexual orientation.
Refrain from asking about tough topics if they don’t bring it up first (i.e. “birth names,” hormones, surgeries, sexual relationships).
Avoid stereotypes, “helpful” tips, and backhanded “compliments” (i.e. “You look like a real woman!” or “I’d date you even if you were trans!” “You should wear makeup to pass better.”).
Take the time to learn and use the language and pronouns your friends use for themselves. If you don’t know, just ask! If you “mess up,” correct yourself, apologize, and make it a priority to do better. It may be “difficult,” but respecting those around us is more important. Never complain, force your opinion, or react impatiently if they are taking the time to decide what terms best describe their gender.
Don’t share confidential information about your trans, nonbinary, and intersex friends (i.e. their gender history, identity) unless they have given you explicit permission to do so. This is an invasion of privacy and could result in harmful consequences for your companions.
Show your friends that you are inclusive! For example, you can include your pronouns online or in introductions with new people, you can refer to others by qualities other than their gender, and you can avoid using gendered language.

Educate yourself on trans, nonbinary, and intersex issues:

Listen to trans, nonbinary, and intersex people and know your limits as an ally. Your opinion might not matter on certain subjects and you might need to seek out resources to better understand your friends’ experiences. It is not their job to educate you.
Know your state’s legislation. The lists provided above are subject to change and it is important to keep yourself up-to-date on legislation that affects your friends’ livelihood.
Learn about policies within your community, workplace, and/or school that could challenge the inclusivity of the trans, nonbinary, and intersex communities.

Advocate for inclusivity and social change, not just tolerance:

Challenge or politely correct non-inclusive remarks or jokes in public spaces.
Show up in the community by attending protests or marches or by calling your elected officials.
Advocate against discrimination on social media to communicate with your circle of influence.
Vote for and work to pass laws that outlaw discrimination and allow for inclusive public accommodations and education for people of all genders.
Work to change curriculum, policies, and forms to be more inclusive in your workplace and/or community.
Engage in community service.
Push for non-gendered access to bathrooms and other public facilities.

Be mindful that there is no such thing as a “perfect” ally. Compassion for the trans, nonbinary, and intersex communities is gained with time and intention. When it comes to building more support for these communities, there are various resources available to provide assistance, guidance, and advocacy.

Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) offers a trans peer support hotline, offering direct emotional and financial support to trans individuals in crisis.
The Trevor Project (866-488-7386) provides peer support and has an online instant messaging option.
The Gender Unicorn is a visual tool that helps explain gender identity, expression, and attraction.
The National Center for Transgender Equality advocates for policy changes and works to increase understanding and acceptance of transgender people in society.
The Trans People of Color Coalition is a national social justice organization that promotes the interests of trans people of color, focusing on intersectional and intergenerational work.
Gender Spectrum is a national organization committed to the well-being of gender-diverse children and teens, providing education and support for families and training for professionals.
The Trans Youth Equality Foundation offers education, advocacy, and support for transgender and gender-nonconforming children and youth and their families.

There are also informative and engaging resources like the:

Gender Reveal podcast, which features interviews with trans guests, a breakdown of current events, and advice.
Gender Spiral podcast, which explores topics and questions about navigating gender expectations and expression in our society.
And Alok Vaid-Menon’s feature in the Man Enough podcast (“The Urgent Need for Compassion”), an acclaimed gender non-conforming writer, performer, and speaker who challenges listeners to look beyond binary limitations in regards of self-expression.

By understanding the difficulties faced in these communities, we are better able to foster an inclusive, compassionate, and respectful environment for all. We hope that these resources can help you find the support you need and provide a foundation for your continued learning. Let’s keep working together to extinguish fires in the houses that are most vulnerable.