A Journey of Healing: Recovering from Domestic Violence Through Therapy
By Ashely Prietto | Oct. 1
“You are not the violence you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender." - John Mark Green
Domestic Partner Violence: Unseen Wounds and Unwavering Strength
Domestic partner violence (DPV) is a dark and insidious presence in our society, lurking behind closed doors and shrouded in secrecy. It's a complex issue, encompassing a range of abusive and manipulative tactics that are used to control individuals within an intimate relationship. The scars it leaves are not always visible, as they dig deep into the emotional and psychological well-being of survivors. Often, even those who have experienced DPV are unaware of the internal wounds and long-term damage inflicted by their abusers. Manipulation, coercion, gaslighting, threats, isolation, and dehumanization are just some of the tactics employed to break down innate human responses to danger, leaving survivors vulnerable and controlled.
As a therapist, I have had the privilege of witnessing the incredible journey of DPV survivors as they rediscover themselves, heal, and break free from the cycle of abuse. Their determination to reclaim their lives serves as a powerful testament to the indomitable spirit within each of us. It's a reminder of the remarkable light that shines within a healing heart.
Therapy: A Beacon of Hope for DPV Survivors
In honor of October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to shed light on the significance of hope, perseverance, and safety in addressing DPV through therapy. Before we delve into the therapeutic process, it's crucial to understand the cycle of domestic violence and acknowledge what survivors endure before embarking on their path to recovery.
Seduction: In the beginning, survivors are often showered with gifts, validation, security, and a deep sense of true love.
Delusion: Survivors may start to believe their abuser is reliable and accountable, even when their actions show otherwise (gaslighting).
Isolation: Abusers isolate survivors from friends and family, restricting access to communication, finances, and transportation, making escape seem impossible.
Threat: The situation escalates with yelling, intimidation, property damage, and verbal accusations.
Action: Physical or verbal violence, belittling, patronizing, and harm to pets or children become common.
Remorse: After the storm, abusers often apologize profusely, promising it will never happen again, and frequently shifting blame onto the victim or external factors.
Each phase intensifies, making it increasingly difficult for survivors to break free as the cycle repeats. This turmoil and control happen internally, with the survivor often the only one aware of it.
The Therapeutic Journey: Healing and Rediscovery
Psychotherapy plays a pivotal role in helping survivors rebuild their lives. It requires immense courage, vulnerability, and trust to embark on the path to internal healing. Here are some key aspects of therapy for DPV survivors:
Recognizing the Impact: Acknowledging the impact of DPV is the first step. Survivors gain insight into the extent of their experiences and the strength they exhibited to survive. Therapy provides a safe space to identify triggers, validate emotions, and process trauma.
Building a Supportive Therapeutic Alliance: Trust is central to therapy, and it's crucial to find a therapist who can build it with patience, compassion, and dignity.
Identification of Core Values: Core values guide us through life and define what is most important to us. We are most in line with our true selves when we are living within our core values.
Psychoeducation of Boundaries: Identifying personal boundaries and learning how to set healthy boundaries provides confidence in their abilities to create new, healthy, and supportive relationships.
Acknowledge Misplaced Shame: The internal dialogue of survivors places blame on the self rather than the abuser. “I knew better” and “I allowed this to happen to me” are common messages survivors have on replay. Working with a therapist to challenge the "blame game" relieves unhelpful core beliefs and unlocks the opportunity to forgive themselves.
Promoting Emotional Healing: Therapy focuses on emotional healing, addressing fear, anger, grief, shame, and guilt. Techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and trauma-focused therapy help survivors process emotions, challenge negative beliefs, confront avoidance, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Rediscovering Resilience: Resilience is a vital quality that enables survivors to overcome adversity. Therapy equips survivors with tools and strategies to cultivate resilience, set achievable goals, and embrace a future filled with strength and self-love.
The true heroes of DPV recovery are the survivors themselves. Therapy provides a roadmap for their journey toward empowerment, reclaiming their lives, and embracing a future filled with strength, self-love, and independence. No one deserves abuse, and no one has the right to cause intentional harm to another human being. If you or someone you know is struggling, remember that you are not alone, and there is hope for a safe, healthy, and meaningful life.
"Trauma creates change you don't choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose." - Michelle Rosenthall
Resources for Survivors:
Texas State Law Library: Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Hotlines/Legal Aid
Domestic Shelters: Texas domestic violence help, shelters, resources, programs,
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: statistics, assessment tools, additional information
Texas Department of Family and Protective Services: Texas Abuse Hotline Website
Texas Council on Family Violence: Donate, Purple Ribbon resources, advocacy awareness dates
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: general information/statistics
